Auschwitz

Barbed wire in and around the camp.

Today I had one of the most profound experiences of my life. A three hour bus ride from the Czech Republic to Poland landed me at Auschwitz - the largest concentration/extermination camp during the Nazi regime in Germany. Here is my experience.

Today was a cold, cutting and eerie day in Poland and when we arrived at Auschwitz, me and about 100 others did not know what to expect from a museum that commemorates an ugly and disturbing chapter in world history.

Gypsies.

As we broke into smaller groups, our tour guide - a Polish woman who spoke English very well - took us to the start of the tour, which is the main gate at Auschwitz. The gate reads: "Arbeit macht frei" - which in German means, "work will make you free." She explained that when the Jews, Russians, Gypsies and Poles were brought to Auschwitz, it was under the auspices of working for a new life. They were told that they were being  relocated - they were lied to.

One of the cell blocks.

As we were led through the different 'blocks,' you could feel a presence in the buildings. Something big happened here. Something that lingers and even smells. People were passed through these buildings, tortured and killed. There were moments when I couldn't hold back tears and there were other moments when I could feel nothing but shock - all of my senses numb.

Human hair.

Moments that were especially difficult were the moments I was not expecting. We walked into a room with a huge glass casing of human hair. I'm not kidding when I say this thing was huge. Prisoners of the camp were shaved of all hair. And those who were executed in the gas chambers right away were shaved post death. They would process the hair and send it back to Germany to use for textiles. A lot of hair was still at Auschwitz at the time of liberation and the historians preserved it for the museum. It was really one of the most intense sights of the day for me. Hard to explain why, but I guess it is just as simple as realizing that the hair belonged to someone - a person, a human being.

A child's toy.

Another moment that was particularly intense was the sight of baby clothes, shoes and toys. Senseless murder of children. Babies were not useful, so they were killed. I think our tour guide said that out of the 7,000 children that came to Auschwitz only 600 survived. Seeing their clothes and shoes and broken belongings was an emotion so strong, I could not hold back.

A baby's shoe.

A prosthetic leg. These were also collected in abundance.

A woman's shoe.

Shoes of men and women.

Again, I must reiterate the cold today. The kind of cold that hurts. The Polish sky was vast, haunting and really beautiful. All of the trees have lost their leaves and there is just this calm, dead sense in the air. Fitting for a place such as Auschwitz.

The barbed wire fences were highly charged.

Gas chamber.

As we rounded up the end of the tour of the main Auschwitz camp, we made a stop at the only gas chamber/crematorium in Auschwitz (there were four at the other part of Auschwitz called Birkenau). They actually let us walk inside the gas chamber. I was not expecting that at all. We walked in and its a cold dark room - similar to an old cellar. Brick and stone everywhere and random holes in the ceiling - for where the gas pellets were dropped. The next room was the crematorium. This was another one of those moments that grabbed me. There were ovens in this room and they were used to burn the bodies that had just been killed in the gas chamber. Ovens for human bodies.

Crematorium.

Empty cans of Cyclone B. The gas used to kill prisoners.

It was a really intense way to end that portion of the tour. But it didn't end there. We took a short bus ride to the other section of Auschwitz called Auschwitz II Birkenau. The facilities at Birkenau were even more grotesque - if thats at all possible. Wooden shacks filled with bunks - 8 people to a bunk. Wooden shacks with stone made "toilets". Prisoners were only allowed to use the bathroom twice a day and many suffered from diarrhea and dysentery. We learned that at Birkenau, many of the gas chambers and structures were hastily destroyed by the Germans before liberation - as a way to hide evidence. Even still there were structures left behind and plenty of evidence found.

The final moments of our tour led us to the end of a train track that ran through the middle of the camp. It was at this point that prisoners exited cattle carts from the train and their fate was decided. A Nazi shoulder divided the prisoners into two lines - men on one side and women & children on the other side. And one by one the Nazi decided - just by looking at them - if they were fit to work or if they were "useless" and were to be executed on the spot. Those were could work were robbed of their possessions and sent one way to the camp. Those who were to be executed were immediately escorted to the gas chamber. In one glance, their fate was determined. Those who were put to work were 'exterminated' slowly - by starvation, disease, abuse and torture.

Prisoners were shipped in on these tracks.

It had gotten dark by the time we stood by those train tracks and our tour guide wrapped up the day. The last thing she said was another one of those moments when I could not hold back. She said - "Please remember, we cannot be bystanders. Genocide is something that still occurs in the world today and we cannot be bystanders and let it happen. We do have the power to do something about it. Please remember that always."

She died within a few months.

That moment was really rough on me. The entire time I was at Auschwitz, I thought about my personal perspective and the knowledge that genocide for race, religion, creed, class happens every day in this world. World War II is a gross and epic example of it. I think it is important to remember moments in history that changed people - and this was one of those. My personal perspective is confused. I get confused when I try to understand how something this violating and wrong can happen. But I stop myself and realize that no one understands it.

I am grateful for my life - a healthy, bountiful and meaningful life. I will remember the faces I saw on those walls forever. The memories of those who died there are in every square inch of Auschwitz. They have a voice at Auschwitz and their stories are remembered. I don't even know if any of this is the right thing to say. Is there a right thing to say? Who knows. I just wanted to get some of these emotions out. And I look forward to seeing my family and friends and telling them how much I love them.

San Francisco

I know its been a while.... busy doesn't even cover it all. My life is just crazy - in a nutshell, it is absolutely nuts. No rhyme or reason - just busy and nuts. But I love it and wouldn't have it any other way.

Anyway...I want to share my mini vacation with you. I wanted to squeeze in a tiny get-away in between jobs. So, I took a road trip up to San Francisco. For about 2 days. Believe it or not, I have NEVER been to San Francisco. Crazy. I know. I have lived in California my entire life and have never been to this great city. Sometimes this fact about myself is embarrassing. But whatever - its not like I don't do any traveling, I just haven't made it to the Bay Area yet - until now.

I absolutely fell in love with San Francisco. It felt like the perfect balance between NYC and LA. Let me explain: All of the great things about NYC and LA come together in SF. In a nutshell - a metropolitan feel with the easiness of California. Obsessed.

I had so many great meals in SF too! Boy oh boy. That city has got the food scene down. All I wanted to do was eat! I seriously had one of the best meals of my entire life up there. It was this cute restaurant called Starbelly in the Castro district. Quality, quality, quality. And not expensive at all - well at least by NYC/LA standards. I had the spaghetti. It was amazing. AMAZING. Warm spicy olives, mushroom soup with duck stock and rice pudding like you've never had before. Oy.....I want that meal again, RIGHT NOW!

It was overall just a great time - short but sweet. And now that I know how easy it is to head up to the Bay, I will definitely be heading back sooner than later.

What a gem that city is!!!!!!!!!

Photos to come.....(I have not had time to download them off my camera yet. Hehe.)

Love you!
Jen

I blew it....

....So, I promised to blog more and I didn't. I am going to try really hard this week to get some posts up. I've had a lot to say this week too, just need to take the time to commit it to html.

Not to make excuses, but I get so busy during the week - what with work, play, life. And the weekends? Impossible. It's crazy how I am quickly realizing how busy October is! October is the new August. It seems that every week/weekend, I have something booked. Not a bad thing - just a crazy thing. I am blessed to have so many things to do, but it does make it a little tougher to have a blogging relationship.

Just last week I had two big events at the Hollywood Bowl. I had Sonic Youth/Pavement on Thursday. Sonic Youth blew me away - as per usual. No two shows by that band are ever the same. The never disappoint and I love them.
And on Friday - Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers. What an amazing show. Now, I'm not gonna lie. It was a major cluster fuck to get to The Bowl on Friday night. I've never seen so many out-of-towners at The Bowl! And since it was a lease event, you couldn't pack a picnic - hence the ridiculously long lines to get a beer.  All that said, the show was still amazing. TP&THB's played everything you'd want to hear at a TP&THB's show and then some. The new album, "Mojo" is great too! They played a few tracks off that album.
I've seen Sonic Youth play a dozen times...and I knew it was going to be good. Tom Petty? I had never seen him or his Heartbreakers and I had such a good time. Dancing, singing along and enjoying his stoney banter. I think my favorite performance of the night was, "Don't come around here no more." What a great song to see live.

I am a lucky girl because I live in a city where I get to see Sonic Youth and Tom Petty one weekend and next weekend I get to see Arcade Fire. Blessed!

Anyway....I double promise to be better and you have my word that you will hear from me.
peace and love,
jen

I need to blog more....

....whenever I do, I feel like I have lifted some weight off of my shoulders. So from now on, I promise at least 2 posts a week. Sounds ambitious, I know. But I always have things to say. So even if they are shorties - like this one - I will up the ante here and blog more. Blog. Blog. Blog. Blog. Blog. Blog. And more blog.

So for now, I leave you with these photos. Some beautiful inspiration from Alice & Olivia's spring 2011 collection. (I know Fall just started, but designers start early....)

xoxo
Jen

I'm going hunting!

So it's my birthday tomorrow. 29. Yee-haw. I must admit, I kind of wish it was just 30 already. Like how long can we drag this out? I know that some of you will say that I should embrace my youth, yadda yadda.. but I feel ready to move on from my 20s. Oh well....whatever. I WILL enjoy the last year in my 20s, because I enjoy life. Anyway, I digress.....

So for my birthday, I planned a Los Angeles Scavenger Hunt for my friends and family. It was a total success and worth every single minute of planning.

Here is how it went down:

We gathered at 4 pm. Mingled, ate, drank. Formed alliances and enemies. (Well everyone else did).

Each car was a team and there were 7 teams. After about an hour or so of anticipation. I gave them the rules. There were items to photograph as well as items to obtain. I also added some riddles that were worth more points. Each photo that was taken had to include a print out photo of me. LOL. And then they were off. They had 3 hours to get as much as possible and then figure out the last riddle that led them to the final destination - a bar on the east side - where I was there waiting. (p.s. while the teams were hunting, I treated myself to a mani/pedi). The end results were amazing!!!!

Below are some of my favorite photos from the teams. (I am still waiting to gather them all so that I can make an album). But honestly, there are so many good ones, I keep wavering on which are my favorites.

If you ever consider planning a hunt like this, I'd be glad to lend some tips/advice. AND, I highly recommend it. My party goers had such a good time, there are rumors of rematches! 

Like I said - Total success. 

love love,

Jen

Found: A homeless person.

Riddle Solved: Michael Jackson's Star

Riddle Solved: The Hollywood Sign.

Task accomplished: A sexy photo with a valet driver.

I really can't decide which one I love more.

Task accomplished: A team members feet in the footprints of R2D2.

Task accomplished: Pump a strangers gas.

Found: An out of state license plate.

My beautiful family played the game too! They impressed me!

Time to vent....

Alright, so I kind of told myself that I would not use this blog as a place to get angry. BUT....something really has me angry right now and I must vent. So..... here goes.

"Planned Koran burning draws anger" - is an ACTUAL headline in today's LA Times. This story has been making headlines for a week or so now and I just can't hold my tongue any longer. Rev. Terry Jones  - author of "Islam Is of the Devil" - is a hate monger and needs to be stopped. His claim that he has been 'called upon' to send this message is such bullshit - this is the kind of extremist behavior that starts religious wars, terrorist attacks and hate campaigns. I applaud all of the inter-religious efforts to condemn these actions and try to express the dangerous implications of such a vulgar act of hate.

In case you have not heard this story yet - here is the cliffs note's version of it: A small church in Gainesville, Florida led by Rev. Terry Jones is planning a big Koran burning party on 9/11. Why? Because they are ignorant idiots. Yup, I said it. (I was not kidding when I said that this has got me really angry).

Jone's church claims to be using this offensive act to "warn about the teaching and ideology of Islam, which we do hate as it is hateful. The world is in bondage to the massive grip of the lies of Islam." Wow. Well sounds like the same ignorant jargon that extremist terrorists spout about Christianity.

Rev. Terry Jones and all of his followers are terrorists. We must condemn this act of terror. I hate that I am even giving this story the time of day or space on my blog, BUT - I do think that there are a lot of people like this out there and it is not something to be taken lightly. Ugh!

Baltimore: Hometown of some of the greats...

I'm spending the weekend in Baltimore, MD. I am visiting my best friends Agke and Jessica Grow. I am so excited to see them and soak in some east coast humidity. Oh I am also looking forward to some east coast micro-brew beer and swinging good times with my besties.

In getting stoked about my trip, I decided to write a little bit about some famous names that hail from ol' Balti. Here are some of my faves:

David Byrne - of the Talking Heads. Now, although the dude is Scottish, he spent his formative years in Baltimore County. I am a fan of the Talking Heads and of Byrne's other works. Did you know that he has won an Emmy an Oscar AND a Golden Globe? Look it up - I do not lie. Not that he needs trophies to prove he is a great musician - BUT it's nice to be recognized. I love the Talking Heads because of their interesting place in music history. Standing as a bridge between punk rock and new wave - with elements of world music - made it easy for the kid that wanted to run with both crowds. You know? There were definitely other acts that bridged these formats, but we are talking about the Talking Heads. Plus, all the weird avant-garde shit they did?! Love these guys. Not to mention that I have a thing for bands with chick bass players. Okay...fun fact about Talking Heads: One of my favorite bands, Radiohead took their band name from the Talking Heads song "Radio Head."

Tori Amos - of...well Tori Amos. Born in North Carolina, she grew up in Baltimore. Growing up in the 90s, I lived and breathed the 'alternative' music scene. Tori Amos being the soul sister of this era, it kind of goes without saying that I was enamored. If you haven't experienced a Tori concert, you are missing a spiritual experience. For those of you who have been - you know what I am talking about. There is something sexual, sensual, mystical and magical about her on stage. She is like a preacher hypnotizing you to join her cult. And boy can she work that piano. It looks like she is in a relationship with her piano - a loving, intimate, giving relationship. One of my favorite Tori songs is a cover of the Led Zeppelin song "Thank You." It served as a B-side to the "Crucify" single (a true classic) along with a few other cover songs, including "Smells like Teen Spirit." Anyway, "Thank You" is on of my favorite LZ songs. I love it so much. And it can go two ways with cover songs and Tori does the song justice. Duh....

Charles Bukowski - author, womanizer, poet, misanthrope. He did not live in Baltimore during his career, but spent some of his childhood there. One might think it is odd that I am a fan of Bukowski - what with his misogynistic and all. BUT...I am. I'm a huge fan. I think his writing is true and honest. Virtues that go a long way with me. Yes he writes about relationships with women but he also writes about being poor and being a working slave in this country. What I gain from reading Bukowski is a masculine perspective on life in America that I have never realized in other writers. One of my favorite Bukowski quotes: "The nine-to-five is one of the greatest atrocities sprung upon mankind. You give your life away to a function that doesn't interest you. This situation so repelled me that I was driven to drink, starvation, and mad females, simply as an alternative."
—Sunlight Here I Am: Interviews & Encounters 1963-1993

Rick Ocasek - of The Cars. That freaky looking dude is married to a model! Can you believe it?! Well aside from being from Baltimore (which as we are learning, makes him pretty cool) but also he is an excellent songwriter and producer. So I guess his model wife likes the 'artsy' type. The Rick Ocasek seal of approval is means for bragging rights in the music industry. And how rad were The Cars? Synth-pop rock at its best. You can't tell me that you don't pump the volume whenever one of their many hits are on the radio. "Just What I Needed" (released in '77) is a perfect example of The Cars' sound. It is definitely one of my favorite songs from that era. "I don't mind you coming here and wasting all my time. 'Cuz when you're standing oh so near, I kinda lose my mind." Those classic lyrics of confused emotions gets me every time.

Emily Post - Such a lady! Imagine your legacy being that of proper American etiquette - setting the standards for etiquette for generations to come. She is a household name. "How Emily Post of you!" "That was very Emily Post." "Hello, Emily Post!" If you have questions about proper wedding practices and etiquette - there is an Emily Post book for that. If you are unsure about the appropriate Christmas gift for your in-laws - there is an Emily Post book for that. Social graces are such a lost art form. What if the whole world listened to Emily Post? I think it would be a much more proper place. A telling quote on wedding etiquette: “She must not swing her arms as though they were dangling ropes; she must not switch herself this way and that; she must not shout; and she must not, while wearing her bridal veil, smoke a cigarette." Tell that to Bridezilla.



And lastly, my friend Jessica. Now I know she is not famous to everyone - but she's pretty special to me. A California native, Jessica has resided in Baltimore for about 2 years now. A wonderful artist, friend, wife, daughter, sister and citizen - Jessica is a class act. I can't wait to hang out in this rad city with her where other rad people have lived.

Stay tuned for some photos and adventure posts about my fun Baltimore trip!
xo

Deep Thoughts About Hair

So...I am growing my hair out with the goal of donating it to an organization that makes wigs for cancer patients. I sometimes think it sounds pretentious to think that anyone would want my hair....but then I stop myself from that thought when I realize that maybe, just maybe, I can make a difference in someones life.

So, I want to talk about hair. I think about it every day. I think about what I do to my hair - hair that will perhaps belong to someone else one day. I think to myself, should I really use this product or that product or this hair tool, etc. I start to worry about what damage I am doing to someone else's hair - even though it's still mine. 

I am lucky because my hair grows fast and so the idea of cutting it is not that big of a deal to me because I know it will grow back. But its for that reason, I worry that I take my hair for granted. 

I know you may be thinking that I am taking this WAY too far. But hear me out...

There are certain physical attributes that are identifiably YOU. We all have the basics that make up a human body. Organs that generally function the same way from one person to the next and limbs in generally the same places. lol. BUT there are certain things that are YOU. Your straight nose, your sweet eyes, the mole on your cheek, etc. Your hair is one of those things that becomes a sort of safety blanket. A source of comfort. Maybe you hide behind it. Maybe you style it to reflect your sense of fashion. It is something that makes you feel like YOU. I just feel like the way you style your hair, take care of your hair and present your hair says a lot about your personality. It is something that is attached to your sense of self.

When I was younger, I used to change my hair by the season because I hated my hair so much. I would do anything to change it. Examples: Sophomore year of college I tried to make dreads. Junior year of college, I chopped all of my hair off with my own hands. I liked bobs for a long time. I would also sometimes braid all of my hair. One time I dyed one side turquoise and the other side pink. And since high school, I had been dying my hair. Clearly, I was not afraid to change it up. My motto would always be, well it will just grow back and I'll try something else.

My hair at its most natural state. Wavy and a little crazy. 

Even though I still kind of feel that hair is something to have fun with and change as your mood changes, my general attitude has changed. As I get older, I realize that if I ever lost my hair, I would regret not loving my hair. So I started to love my hair as it was. Wavy and crazy. Sure I still do stuff to it, but I appreciate it a lot more and I think my hair knows. It is healthier than it has ever been and I love it. And....I want to share it.



I cannot imagine what it is like to not only be diagnosed with cancer, but to lose my sense of self along with it. I wonder when it sets in? Does it set in when you sit across a desk and a doctor utters the word? Or does it set in when the meds start? Or does it set in when the first strands of hair, hit the ground? I have no idea but I can't imagine that any of this is pleasant and I am sure ALL of it is awful. 

I just want to help someone feel like themselves again. And I know that my hair is mine when it is on my head, but I know that there is a gorgeous woman (or man) out there who will be able to make it her own.  
 

Here is what I have in mind for when I cut my hair. Except with bangs. Thoughts?

Thanks for reading.

Welcome to my blog!

Hello and welcome!
I decided to start a blog. I used to be a writer and I wish I was still writing. So, I decided to start a blog.
And honestly, it will mostly just be a place for me to talk. A place for me to talk about fashion. A place to talk about music. A place to talk design and style. A place to talk about books. A place to talk about the world. A place for me to talk about the things that inspire me. A place to talk about my travels. A place for me to talk. And please feel free to talk as well! We can talk! And yes, by 'talk', I mean 'type.' I am sure you got that, but just had to make sure. I am still figuring out how all this works and trying to settle on a design - so bare with me on that.
I will start my first post with a photo. Enjoy and please come back!

A graffiti shot. I heart graffiti.